daydreams at night

i really hate these moments at night where i lie awake in bed and just day-dream
i'm usually thinking about absurd things, things that i want happen but never will
i think about someone and my thoughts wander, playing out scenarios and conversations
i think about the things i've done and things i should have done, all so regretful and hopeful
i think about the world, about how it was and how its so simple then but not so now, its very disturbing
i think about where we're all heading, betting that all beliefs are wrong but yet hoping that something makes sense in the end
i'm thinking about my calling, about how i don't really live up to my expectations
expectations that i suspect are all shaped by everything around me, such that i'm not sure if its mine to call
i'm thinking my job is simple, but everyone tells me i can do better, live better elsewhere
so much so that i actually believe and try to act on it, but i'm hesitant, i question my nature
i'm thinking how will i live as i age, my body no longer agreeing with me, perhaps it never did
i wish i could make it do what i want, i wish i could just replace the parts that are broken
i wish i could look differently, think differently, feel differently, act differently, all perfect
~sigh
i really hate these restless nights when my head roams and it leads to nowhere but just tired days in the office...