Saturday, October 16, 2010
huh?
what if it should not have been what it has become and what if something was meant to be but it isn't anymore, will it make a difference to ponder over where it is concerned if there was one to be made or does it matter not as it stands, never has, never will until something changes otherwise unexpectedly?
you don't know what i'm talking about right?
good, neither do i... i'm a well trained confusion after all.
you don't know what i'm talking about right?
good, neither do i... i'm a well trained confusion after all.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
learn or be uneducated
on friday, i got shitfaced with the guys at voodoo. it was KW's bachelor bash but we know its just a good excuse to drink ourselves silly. its been awhile and i've never been much of a drinker. still i held my liqour. eric was sitting over a puddle of his dinner, head down, hands clasped over the head, begging the fellas to fetch him home. nobody did. the rest were pretty much zonked-out from the loud music and 5-and-half bottles of black label. i was still up and walking around, and i swear, the skirts get shorter by the hour. i had my first and second drag because i felt, heck, screw-it... frankly, smoking is kinda "~meh".
still, it was a good night.
it was the morning after. i only had 3 hours of sleep and i got up to go to the post office to collect a "parcel". this was because pos-malaysia has a bad habit of delivering stuff when people are at work. still, i can't complain, it was a painless process and i had it done in a few minutes.
i was hungry.
the jelutong morning street market was behind the post office and i felt really good that morning. i had a distinct clarity in my mind and calmness to my soul. so i went strolling along the streets and stalls under a surprisingly hot 9am sun. it was good. i felt in control. i thought i'd have some prawn noodles then and got to a kopitiam. there were no more tables available so i shared one with an older man. his body rocked back and forth slightly as if stricken with mild parkinson's, so i asked him. he smiled and politely said it was habitual then bid good-day and left.
i thought about the events that transpired over the week.
i finished my noodles and sipped on my warm milo, deep in thought. an older lady asked if she could share the table with me. i smiled and she sat down. she was probably middle aged, had short hair, dark complexion, a slightly jutting chin and wore spectacles with pinkish hued lenses. she looked at me sideways for a bit, as if sizing me up. then she launched into a series of questions. how old was i? am i still studying or working? what i did for a living? i thought, mind your own business lady but i answered as politely as i could without revealing too much and wore an expression of mild discomfort and suspicion.
i hate sharing information with strangers.
but she continued. she didn't speak very good english but i think she knew what she was talking about. and she had an intent, that was to give me a piece of her mind (it was with good intentions i believe). i could tell she was a proud woman. first she talked about learning and that the moment we stop learning, we become uneducated. she talked about doing her part to communicate the benefits of living in malaysia to ex-malaysians that she happen to chance upon, so that they would return some day. she talked about how the media is misleading and how the government is to be blamed for erroneous dissemination of information. she talked about how people were ignorant to costs borne by under-privileged business-women such as herself (this was after i asked if she used to be a teacher). she also told me about an accident she had the day before where she got hit by a motorcycle while crossing the street and was rudely chastised by the rider for being unobservant. she talked about how the young and professionals despised the elderly and the lower-working class. she talked about ego.
my ego kicked in, i had to give her my 2 cents.
i told her that things happen for a reason. we might not like it and we blame and fault the environment, be it the governing body or the young and what not. and that the only people we can and should control is ourselves. and that life is short and we can't possible change the world in one lifetime. do not falter though, i continued. we shall do it in the next lifetime and the one after and so on. with such things coming out of my mouth, i might have been still high from the night before but it was a buddhist belief that i sometimes doubt. still after saying it, i felt some form of refuge in my words. self-deluding? maybe. but it felt assuring and i was calmer. she stared at me while listening. she countered my opinions.
it went on for a bit.
it started out as a conversation between strangers and grew into a short discourse on life. it wasn't long before i bid her good-day. she urged me to get higher education as i left. i smiled, thanked her and parted. as i strolled back to my car, i pondered... what a strange chance encounter. i have had a hard time in the past week but it was mainly emotional strife which led to me seeking respite in the bash the night before. and here comes along, a stranger who basically made me remind myself to learn from my experiences and continue moving forward. and my own self-re-realization that i need more self-control. and that things, all things, happen for a reason. did i really learn anything from her? perhaps i should be more open, i guess.
still, i'm calm. i'm steady now. i feel at peace.
but it never lasts... an hour later, my self-control was put to the test again...
still, it was a good night.
it was the morning after. i only had 3 hours of sleep and i got up to go to the post office to collect a "parcel". this was because pos-malaysia has a bad habit of delivering stuff when people are at work. still, i can't complain, it was a painless process and i had it done in a few minutes.
i was hungry.
the jelutong morning street market was behind the post office and i felt really good that morning. i had a distinct clarity in my mind and calmness to my soul. so i went strolling along the streets and stalls under a surprisingly hot 9am sun. it was good. i felt in control. i thought i'd have some prawn noodles then and got to a kopitiam. there were no more tables available so i shared one with an older man. his body rocked back and forth slightly as if stricken with mild parkinson's, so i asked him. he smiled and politely said it was habitual then bid good-day and left.
i thought about the events that transpired over the week.
i finished my noodles and sipped on my warm milo, deep in thought. an older lady asked if she could share the table with me. i smiled and she sat down. she was probably middle aged, had short hair, dark complexion, a slightly jutting chin and wore spectacles with pinkish hued lenses. she looked at me sideways for a bit, as if sizing me up. then she launched into a series of questions. how old was i? am i still studying or working? what i did for a living? i thought, mind your own business lady but i answered as politely as i could without revealing too much and wore an expression of mild discomfort and suspicion.
i hate sharing information with strangers.
but she continued. she didn't speak very good english but i think she knew what she was talking about. and she had an intent, that was to give me a piece of her mind (it was with good intentions i believe). i could tell she was a proud woman. first she talked about learning and that the moment we stop learning, we become uneducated. she talked about doing her part to communicate the benefits of living in malaysia to ex-malaysians that she happen to chance upon, so that they would return some day. she talked about how the media is misleading and how the government is to be blamed for erroneous dissemination of information. she talked about how people were ignorant to costs borne by under-privileged business-women such as herself (this was after i asked if she used to be a teacher). she also told me about an accident she had the day before where she got hit by a motorcycle while crossing the street and was rudely chastised by the rider for being unobservant. she talked about how the young and professionals despised the elderly and the lower-working class. she talked about ego.
my ego kicked in, i had to give her my 2 cents.
i told her that things happen for a reason. we might not like it and we blame and fault the environment, be it the governing body or the young and what not. and that the only people we can and should control is ourselves. and that life is short and we can't possible change the world in one lifetime. do not falter though, i continued. we shall do it in the next lifetime and the one after and so on. with such things coming out of my mouth, i might have been still high from the night before but it was a buddhist belief that i sometimes doubt. still after saying it, i felt some form of refuge in my words. self-deluding? maybe. but it felt assuring and i was calmer. she stared at me while listening. she countered my opinions.
it went on for a bit.
it started out as a conversation between strangers and grew into a short discourse on life. it wasn't long before i bid her good-day. she urged me to get higher education as i left. i smiled, thanked her and parted. as i strolled back to my car, i pondered... what a strange chance encounter. i have had a hard time in the past week but it was mainly emotional strife which led to me seeking respite in the bash the night before. and here comes along, a stranger who basically made me remind myself to learn from my experiences and continue moving forward. and my own self-re-realization that i need more self-control. and that things, all things, happen for a reason. did i really learn anything from her? perhaps i should be more open, i guess.
still, i'm calm. i'm steady now. i feel at peace.
but it never lasts... an hour later, my self-control was put to the test again...
Sunday, June 13, 2010
paranoia
don't make paranoia your life partner,
she is very deceptive and demanding,
and she'll keep you all to herself...
she is very deceptive and demanding,
and she'll keep you all to herself...
Saturday, June 12, 2010
no clean underwear!
i can't really go out on today because i don't have clean underwear. i've just washed all of them some hours ago and they are still drying.
i can't put this on facebook either because its just too embarrassing. but i'm putting it here because i think its funny and i want to remember it.
so all i can do is go for a swim. good thing the only thing she can do right now as well is swim.
i can't put this on facebook either because its just too embarrassing. but i'm putting it here because i think its funny and i want to remember it.
so all i can do is go for a swim. good thing the only thing she can do right now as well is swim.
the return
somewhere in the world, in a ranch overlooking a vast green field, a horse gives birth. a foal is born, with pale white coat and a little stubble on its crown. the stable keep mutters to his wife, "what is that?". he leans closer for a better look, cleans it, and realizes, "its a little horn!"
somewhere else in the world, deep in the ocean, a slumbering master awakes after a decade of millennia. it slowly stirs the lifeless floor bed, dislodging rocks and boulders on the nearby incline as it uncoils its scaly serpentine body. it stretches its teeth filled maw, huge lungs taking in the ocean and it coughs out a ball of fire. claws dig into the ground, it thrusts itself upward in a single powerful motion and glides away like a giant eel.
somewhere else in the world, a man experiences a sudden blinding pain on his shoulder blades. his hair turns pale as he writhes on the floor of his apartment. his back is on fire, there is blood on his shirt and then on the carpet. his hair turns a luminous golden hue, its glow casts moving shadows on the walls. the man screams, and his back tears, and folds of skin on bone bursts out. the pain has subsided but he is exhausted, his halo lights up the room, and feathers start to sprout on his wings.
ten years ago, i would have thought this was amazing and beautiful. if it were not for the faceless man who spoke to me through my screen one night, i would have remained naive. my computer was not even turned on but there he was, a silhouette against a bright white backdrop on my screen. there was no introduction, just a jarring urgent message.
"the world as you know it will not be the same, you have been selected to join a cadre of agents that champions our cause for order, reason and technology.
there are dark times ahead, a war is brewing, the age of chaos is upon us. magic has returned to our world..."
but i'm a little busy right now, i'll have to tell you the rest some other time. its time i showed this stinking gargoyle who is the boss... -P
somewhere else in the world, deep in the ocean, a slumbering master awakes after a decade of millennia. it slowly stirs the lifeless floor bed, dislodging rocks and boulders on the nearby incline as it uncoils its scaly serpentine body. it stretches its teeth filled maw, huge lungs taking in the ocean and it coughs out a ball of fire. claws dig into the ground, it thrusts itself upward in a single powerful motion and glides away like a giant eel.
somewhere else in the world, a man experiences a sudden blinding pain on his shoulder blades. his hair turns pale as he writhes on the floor of his apartment. his back is on fire, there is blood on his shirt and then on the carpet. his hair turns a luminous golden hue, its glow casts moving shadows on the walls. the man screams, and his back tears, and folds of skin on bone bursts out. the pain has subsided but he is exhausted, his halo lights up the room, and feathers start to sprout on his wings.
ten years ago, i would have thought this was amazing and beautiful. if it were not for the faceless man who spoke to me through my screen one night, i would have remained naive. my computer was not even turned on but there he was, a silhouette against a bright white backdrop on my screen. there was no introduction, just a jarring urgent message.
"the world as you know it will not be the same, you have been selected to join a cadre of agents that champions our cause for order, reason and technology.
there are dark times ahead, a war is brewing, the age of chaos is upon us. magic has returned to our world..."
but i'm a little busy right now, i'll have to tell you the rest some other time. its time i showed this stinking gargoyle who is the boss... -P
Monday, June 7, 2010
again and again and again...
the baby wants attention, he wails, his mother tends to him, feeds him and thus he is satiated
the boy wants joy, he pesters his father for toys, he plays with his friends and thus he is satisfied
the teenager wants freedom, he rebels, he takes his chances carelessly and thus he is released
the graduate wants success, he works on his career, he strives, he climbs and thus he is rewarded
the man wants stability, he seeks, he struts, he promises, he loves and thus he is established
the husband wants responsibility, he plans, he has offspring, he sacrifices and thus he is propagated
the old wants legacy, he shares, he gives, he tells tales, he advices and thus he is remembered
the dying desires life, he regrets, he seeks counsel, he craves endlessly and thus he is reborn-ed
the boy wants joy, he pesters his father for toys, he plays with his friends and thus he is satisfied
the teenager wants freedom, he rebels, he takes his chances carelessly and thus he is released
the graduate wants success, he works on his career, he strives, he climbs and thus he is rewarded
the man wants stability, he seeks, he struts, he promises, he loves and thus he is established
the husband wants responsibility, he plans, he has offspring, he sacrifices and thus he is propagated
the old wants legacy, he shares, he gives, he tells tales, he advices and thus he is remembered
the dying desires life, he regrets, he seeks counsel, he craves endlessly and thus he is reborn-ed
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